today i realized how much my mom’s family really does take into consideration the term and the meaning of family. unlike my dads side my mom side although there is drama are always still there for each other. my cousin adrian is in prison right now, and my aunt maria has taken it hard, but since then she has grown so much from it. she goes and visits him every weekend because he is her son, and she LOVES him. today she sold BBQ plates to help raise money for him and his lawyer to get him out sooner. she could have done it by herself, but no her sisters and her nieces me include went to help and support her in it. my mom’s side of the family gathers more for the hell of it on weekends, and is there for each other more than my dad’s side is. i’m not close to either side but the fact that i noticed this just says something. while although my on dads side only him and his brother lives here the others in california, i’ve just noticed that even him and his brother don’t even talk much they only talk when one is sick, or to pick up my grandma who lives with me. the fact that my uncles kids, my cousins never bothered to get together with me just to see me. the fact that my grandma had a stroke about 10 years ago and they never come to interact or visit is sad. because i know when my moms mom was in the hospital everyone and i mean EVERYONE was there. this year alone marked an official year my dad was not talking to any of his siblings because of drama, he didn’t show up on christmas, and avoided them completely, but i feel like on my mom’s side if that happened to someone which it actually has, they still go to family events. this just makes me sad. even on my dad’s side the person i thought i felt closet too, seems like she is the person who has grown the farthest and it sucks because she was like my sister, and now i don’t know what she is. i know my parents and everyone i know always says that family is the most important thing in your life, but for me that has been the hardest thing to accept or agree. i haven’t talked to anyone about it, because there is no one to talk to. i just hope that one day it all gets better.
sometimes i just feel the urge to slam someone against the wall and do dirty things to them.
